A few years ago a
friend thought it would be really cool to have a jujutsu forum open only to
people he had hand-picked. Robert wanted intelligent people who wouldn't
get into bullshit turf wars. I told him he should change the name to FORWAS--
"Friends of Robert Who Aren't Stupid."
Recently, another
friend tried something similar. He tried to create a collaborative of
hand-picked experts. The trouble is that one person's expert is another
person's kool-aid drinking moron.
Everything, for me,
devolves around a value/cost ratio. Maybe it does for everybody, but if
so some people are doing it really wrong. Everything involves a certain
amount of time, attention and usually aggravation. What are you getting
for it? Facebook, for instance, is very close to the line for me.
The only saving grace is that I can ignore it, sometimes for weeks.
I gave up BBS (Bulletin Boards) while I was in Iraq. Too time
consuming. Not a lot of new information. When I had more time and
access I found I didn't miss them.
At a deep level I'm
pretty mission focused. I like teams because they are effective. I
have a deep attachment to a small group of people but it is almost entirely
based on what we have accomplished together. I've never joined an
organization or group just to be a member.
Conversely, I've
almost never been uncomfortable in any group. Not into what they were
into, sure. Sometimes with a deep antipathy to what they stood for
(remember my day job for years was to be locked into a dorm with 16-190
criminals.) But I never felt uncomfortable. Never felt either that
I did belong or that I didn't belong. So I could hang with Kurdish
smugglers and operators and criminals and cops and even a handful of people who
can only be called saints. Atheists, pagans, exorcists and mystics.
And always enjoy them as people.
But I never really
understood the need that makes some people take a belief as an identity and
seek out others with the same belief. Take that back. I do
understand it. I've watched that tribalism on many levels my whole life.
I do understand it, can predict it...I've just never felt the need that
drives it. So understand the mechanism, but not the motivation.
Some very wise
person once said that whenever a new tactical team is formed, the first order
of business is to design a patch. It came up with my team once and I
said, "It doesn't help with the mission. Do that costumes and
jewelry bullshit on your own time." Completely surprised by the
negative reaction. To many people, the symbols are the tribe.
And that's one of the
reasons I like the VPPG. Just people getting together to solve problems.
Mutual respect without some kind of hierarchy or structure. The
system is for function and hasn't become a ritual. Effort going into the
tribe is not going into the problem solving.
10 comments:
I see you sorted the font issue then :)
That aside, as much as it is nice to find a group you 'fit into' without having to change your behaviour in order to do so, it can be frustrating when the other members of the group don't share the same focus as you - for that reason alone, I find less desire to overly fit in with 'groups' I'm a member of, instead picking out the select few I do gel with and focusing with them instead.
Question:
Is a family a group?
Symbols signal insider status. The signaling can be aimed at outsiders or insiders or both. Working on the symbolism can be a teambuilding exercise: demonstrates shared interest in the team, allows members to observe different working styles of each other.
Enlightening, thanks.
The Army has an entire procedure for approving heraldry, because people want to belong to something bigger than themselves. When you get bogged down and hopeless, that little patch can keep you going if it comes with notions of tradition and the ghosts of soldiers past looking down on you today.
How many cops would run to an "officer in distress" call faster than to a "hot burglary" call? How many would leap from their cars off duty to back up a traffic stop gone bad while 3 states from home, but ignore a bar fight off-duty in their home jurisdiction? Yet the officer has a vest and a belt full of tools; he's in better shape than the average homeowner or drunk to take care of himself. The patch's design doesn't matter, but the fact that the guy calling for help is wearing one on each shoulder does.
For people whose internal motivation is not as powerful as yours, a bit of external motivation--if only to live up to the imagined meaning of a piece of fabric stitched to the sleeve--can be handy. You earned it, now be worthy of it.
It sounds dumb when you put it that way, but the purely rational man should not marry, and yet we do it, don't we?
Othering for it to work you first have to build an us and them.
I'm pretty sure I qualify as a kool-aid drinking moron in some circles. :-)
Here's another one: are "people who don't want to be part of a group" just a different group, identifying themselves in a different way?
In one version in my mind we’re all morons Jake. Then I think it’s maybe only 8 out of 10. Then I back off it completely …in case I’m really one of the 8 and too dumb to know it.
Once most humans realize they exist, they will spend the rest of their lives trying not to be alone inside their heads. Without that outside reference we couldn't even conceive of fitting in to our systems of organizing towards a collective purpose. But, we couldn't reject that concept either in favor of an individualistic existence. Contrast requires the existence of multiple elements. And, in developing those concepts we create complex layers of contrast for newly discovered selves to play in.
The best people I know are the ones I chose and those who chose me. The connections memberships establish come with pitfalls to always be mindful of. They can foster shallow perspectives, but they also give birth to personal purpose/mission. When you can relate to this in others it adds another layer of meaning to life.
Belonging to anything shouldn't solely define anyone though…because it is manufactured. That is difficult to continually validate when people are so very dynamic beings. However, I think it does allow important access to experiences through doorways that are otherwise closed. What people can accomplish when together is downright amazing. You don't want to be completely locked out of that either. Just have to have to be comfortable managing the movement in and out of multiple perspectives all the time to keep a grip on it.
-Billy G.
Jake,
I want to be different. Like that guy over there. I want to be unique like everybody else.
First off, by Rory's/MacYoung's definition, I'm an AssHole. I don't cultivate friendships or seem to want them.
;-)
I've also noticed that I have strong misanthropic tendencies; hell I barely trust myself to do the right thing.
What I've observed/noticed is that groups of any size, small to governments/societies, can be very dangerious when combind with groupthink.
That the groups who perform and thrive the best are the ones that cultivate strong individuals that can survive outside of or with out the group.
Those groups that promote groupthink at the small end of the scale leads to cults and group monkey dance* like behaviour and on the large end of the scale leads to wars of agression and genocide.
We can't just build groups or join them without keeping this in mind. Just because you might have the best intentions doesn't mean those around you do.
Just some thoughts,
Josh
*To use Rory's terminology again.
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