Sunday, June 28, 2009

Stuttering at the Finish Line

I hate everything I write.  Not usually, just now. 
That a sure sign I'm getting to the end of the piece.  It's partially the writing- each identifiable part of the language is leaping at me:  "See spot run." Hits me as VERB(predicate)-SUBJECT- VERB(accusative)... GODDAMN IT! WHERE'S the OBJECT of the sentence? An implied 'You'??!!? Damnit!
It's also physical. The bench I like to write on which has always been just fine was too short yesterday. The keyboard wobbled. Other things suddenly seem important.  I should be beyond playing games with myself and in some things I am. Writing isn't one of them.  What I do will affect a few people. What I write could affect many.  If you write (or paint or perform music or even fight) for others, you are putting your soul out there.  Out to be judged. Possibly to be hammered.  Almost always by people who have never taken a similar risk.

It's not a big deal.  I'm a big boy and if I'm not pretty comfortable with what I have to say I keep my mouth shut. My unconscious is less mature and has its own reasons. When "Meditations" came out it affected my life. Mostly in positive ways but in a few very negative ones.  The monkey part of my brain cringes at the negative. Whatever.

It's go time. A last little push, feedback from some first readers, then re-write and possibly co-opt some research help (it sucks being this far away from my library).

5 comments:

Steve Perry said...

No guts, no glory ...

Vaughn said...

Well, I'm grateful for "Meditations."

Molly said...

It does suck that you are so far away from your library. I'll miss you this week, while doing some adventuring with the girl child. Of course "uncle Rory" adventures are the best!

Worg said...

You're actually a really good writer. Nary a grammatical error, interesting subject matter and evocative style.

Anonymous said...

Second what Worg said. I thought Meditations was brilliant. I recommended it to my sensei and he loved it, too, and in turn recommended it to many others. Most of your blog posts are excellent, too.

The only flaw I notice is that occasionally (just occasionally) you tend to be a little vague when describing certain incidents, but perhaps you have good reasons for that (to protect the innocent, spare your friends' feelings, etc.).

Anyway, my dojo mates and I are looking forward to your next book.