Tuesday, July 06, 2010

That's Amazing!

in some places, I swear, having a triple-digit IQ qualifies as a super power...which got me thinking. About this list:

REAL SUPERPOWERS YOU CAN HAVE TODAY
(send no money now, 90 day free trial on all super powers! Change your life at no risk to you!)
  • Paying Attention to What You are Doing: this power makes you a force to be reckoned with, a model of efficiency. Something, especially on the highways and byway of our world, unique and effective.
  • Finishing the Hard Stuff First: Normal humans stand staring with jaws open as you walk away from a job well done while they are still twiddling their thumbs, making coffee and getting ready. You work out, as they get ready to think about working out.
  • Really Listening: For most people, a conversation is just a shallow attempt at getting their own ego stroked by people just as self-centered. With this super power you can gather information, learn things, make friends and be considered wise, intelligent and caring.
  • Get Off Your Ass and Do Stuff: We have superpowers to get stuff done, right? But even with superpowers, we actually have to get off our asses and do things. Act. This superpower not only allows you to get stuff done, the purpose of all superpowers, but by doing stuff you Learn things. You Get experienced. This superpower, over time gives you other superpowers! How is that fair?
  • Being Nice to People: A subtle superpower that allows you to make friends, alleviate suffering and even be proud of yourself.
  • Say What You Mean: one of the most dangerous superpowers, this two-edged sword can make any group you work with more efficient, but may make normals uncomfortable. It's complementary power, Mean What You Say, has surprising force.
Superpowers within the reach of everyone. Try one today!

Really, people. Right there. Give it a try. They're free.

Please?

11 comments:

Frank said...

Hear Hear!!!!

Elias said...

Well said!!

Chris said...

*sigh*

Ooookay. I'll give it a shot.

Molly said...

I'm totally pirating this and posting on face book. Soon we will have an army of super powered people!

Anonymous said...

A super power I discovered when I fell into that radioactive vat-

"Practice what you preach."
When you actually walk what you talk, you will find that people will actually take what you say seriously, which means you have power over their thoughts and their actions. It's subtle telepathic manipulation.

Besides, hypocrits are super villains anyway. Everyone knows this.

Montie

Drew Rinella said...

One time you told me not to fear stuff that can't hurt you, like jumping into a cold river or talking to a hot chick, and that gave me super powers.

Also one time a nurse told me to have some situationalfuckingawareness, and that gave me super powers.

One day I woke up and realized that I could give myself permission to be successful, and that gave me super powers.

Rory said...

Drew! Great to hear from you. I may be passing close to you next week. CAn you send me your location and available times? rory@easystreet.net

Mariusz said...

very, very good one, Rory. Thanks you!

Mariusz

Lise Steenerson said...

Nicely stated Superman ;-)

Egad said...

Can I get these on a t-shirt? I'd wear it at least once a week. Put a Chiron logo on it. Seriously.

gwern said...

Hehe. Reminds me of http://lesswrong.com/lw/ve/mundane_magic/