Friday, December 10, 2010

Why?

I know that in the big things, "Why?" is a bullshit question.  There are no real answers and so there never was a real question.  It's whistling in the dark or a child crying for mommy.  If we only knew 'why' if we could find the reasons and meaning behind the universe...

It's not enough for it to make sense, either.  There is actually a lot of sense in understanding that 'shit happens' is enough why for the universe.  We want it to make sense to us, to have this giant, cold, mostly empty universe have laws that somehow reinforce our little meat animal ideas of good and justice.

So a good man dies-- not just a good man, a kind man.  Intelligent.  Well trained.  Wife and daughter.  Someone I really admired and was looking forward to seeing as he aged and grew and became... I was really looking forward to learning what he would discover in the world.

And I want the why.  Even knowing it is a bullshit question.  There were older, weaker, meaner people.  People without a new baby daughter.  Some people who have done heinous things.  People who never have been anything but a drag on others.  They are still walking around, wasting air, making lives miserable...

Why a good man?  Why not...

That childish desire, to make the world be the way that I wish it, still bubbles up.

Not reveling today in the world as it is.

RIP brother.

11 comments:

ttruscott said...

You know - even when you think you know why, it doesn't really help handle the shock and dismay.

Bye Tim...

shugyosha said...

Yes.

Joshkie said...

Maybe life just "is" and that there is no reasoning behind it is an answer in and of itself. Asking a question and coming to an understanding about the world doesn't mean you can affect the world and life, but baybe it will lead you to another question "How?"
How can I if the world "is" better spened time in it and with those I care about?
The 'what ifs' and 'could of beens' are not the world and not the now. To me "Why" is only a bull shit question if used to beat your self up or used as an excuse to hide from life and the world. As you said 'shit happens.' Are there any life lesson to be learned? Maybe. Maybe not, but 'life happens' and we move on.
I to had a brother and wander what life would have been like had I got to know him to learn from him. Would I have been a better person?
So, my great wish is for everyone to focuse on the "How" question of, "How can I better appreciate what I have now?" Because we never know what life has in store for us tomorrow.

Marvin Reinhardt (Ryan) Kruschke the Third; September 22, 1969 - May 7, 1970.

Kai Jones said...

I am very sorry for your loss.

Groping for meaning, the monkey brain desperately imposing a false pattern on a random world--we impose meaning on the world. Our choices and actions are the meaning of our lives.

Maija said...

Losing friends sucks ass. I'm sorry for your loss.

Tiff said...

I'm sorry, Rory. Heartfelt condolences to all whose world feels a little emptier now.

Jake said...

Sorry for your loss.

David Kafri said...

"Sorry for your loss" seems so inept at such a time, but its true. And what more is there to say?

Anonymous said...

My condolences Boss.

-Billy G.

Jim said...

Sorry for your loss.

Words and explanations still won't answer why, though -- even when they purport to.

Kevin Keough said...

Well-put. Invoking "why" as a way to make sense of and cope with losses, traumas, and rough patches in life seems foolish, maybe belies a sense of entitlement, wastes precious time, and tends to render people less present to those around them.

We seem to think we can "discover" the answer to such a question and ignore everything known about how we create answers and believe we've found the truth.

How did we get the idea that the the Universe owes us an answer or that there is something wrong with Life that requires fixing when tragic things happen. Something is off when people declare that Life is unfair. It is what it is and we are just a tiny little part of a tiny planet. Horrific things happen to people every minute of every day. Nothing is more predictable and common. Life owes us nothing and "fair" is so irrelevant that it's embarrassing to even mention it.

Time spent searching for the why takes us away from living in the only time we ever have-Now. It is time lost working to successfully adapt to changing circumstances.

And the "noble" quest for "why" removes us from NOW and ensures we are inattentive to those we claim to love. We are inclined to feel "deep" and "caring" wallowing in why as we disengage from those around us. Also, not sure why's facilitate the grieving process.

My mother taught me early that why, thoughts that life should be fair, that rough times don't mean something is wrong or needs fixing---life just is. Life owes me nothing. You are not special. No matter how hard you get hit you get up and keep moving.

"I never joke and never ask why"

Awareness of my mortality is something I protect---keeps me honest. Stopping now.