Monday, September 25, 2006

...I Never Knew

Not sure I want to write about everything just yet. I'll be leaving the jail soon and for about four years I'll be doing investigations. It will be a whole new world and frankly, I need a challenge, something completely new.

When it was announced, L, a sergeant I have worked with off and on for seven years said, "That's really surprising. I thought you would be the absolute last choice." She was really concerned about hurting my feelings, but this is something I've been curious about for a long time- why so many people see me in such a specific way.

"Oh, you know," she said, "You're one of those tactical guys. A maverick. Always on the edge. You don't get along with regular people."

True or not? Part of me is thinking "consider the source: This lady got lost in a building she'd been working in for two years" but more important than right or wrong is that this is how I'm seen.

Background: I tried for a position a few years ago. Walking into the selection process I was the only candidate who had ever run a unit and the only one with any experience in the field at all. I was just coming off teaching seminars in the field on both coasts and being asked to use my material in a state police academy on the East coast. The first statement from the selection panel in my interview was, "Rory, you're clearly the most qualified candidate, so we have decided it would be unfair to consider qualifications for this post." WTF? Another very senior administrator was overheard to say, "That sergeant needs to realize that there are office people and line monkeys- and he's a line monkey." This isn't an 'oh poor me' sentiment. It's become very apparent that senior administration sees me a certain way and I've wanted to know for a long time what they perceive. L was telling me.

Return to the subject: Where were we? Oh yeah. Maverick, blah, blah, blah. "You aren't the calmest person in the world, you don't really communicate, you set people on edge. You're good in a fight and really controlled and professional but I just don't see you doing investigations."

"L, I usually talk people down. That's why they have me do mental health."

"You do mental health?"

"Mental health. And peer counseling. And crisis negotiations. And teaching"

"You do all that? I never knew."

Yep. Done all that. For seven years right along side her. Probably four years of that in the same building. Completely invisible next to the barely contained savage in her head.

It's good to finally hear it in words.


Molly said...

Congratulations! You finally get to use that big brain of yours to put the bad guys away, instead of slogging at damage control once they are in.

Allowing the barely contained savage out in public - bold move, they just need to keep your shifts off the full moon.

The Moody Minstrel said...

The real Rory finally comes out of the cabinet he's been locked away in all this time.

The cabinet was probably due for an overhaul anyway...

Anonymous said...

"You aren't the calmest person in the world, you don't really communicate, you set people on edge."

What? Unless you're a completely different person on the job (and not in a good way), she's clearly talking about someone I've never met.


Anonymous said...

Those few who have the greatest effect are usually the least known - and the least (externally) rewarded. Generating a wide-spread but little felt effect takes a great deal of focused nothingness. It's why those many who have the least effect try so hard and are rewarded the most. It's easy to yell at a wall and hear your own voice instantly reflected back at you. But try whispering into the Grand Canyon and see if you don't get a long-term, but very subtle, positive effect.

Anonymous said...

Congratulations. And, if that brings you downtown, let me know.


Anonymous said...

How are you not calm? You're the calmest person I know. This is bullshit I want heads to roll.

Anonymous said...

I mean...

Anonymous said...

Congratulations Rory

But I like the "barely contained savage" it's a sexy image....but that's because we've also had really deep philosophical discussions while sipping scotch around a campfire under the stars...that's sexy too...but in a completely different way.... I digress....Congratulations is what I really wanted to say. LOL