The List

Last weekend, Kami and I were driving to Nate's wedding. There was a lot of talk and a lot of comfortable silence. In one of the moments of silence she asked, "What are you thinking about?" Mostly, I don't really think about anything. My natural resting state seems to be an inflow of what I see and hear and smell all around me and letting it flow through and leave. I rarely think in words and so I usually answer, "Nothing" but Kami knows me well and she picked the moment.

I was idly making a list in my head of all of my dead people. Dad. The twins. Rick. SeanMac. Detective Ben. Samson. Charlie. Chris Soto. Miro. Cody. Faces and images that don't go with any name. Some of the names I've forgotten, the ones from my childhood. And there were others, corpses I knew professionally in one way or another that I never bothered to remember their names.

This isn't meant to be depressing. It's just history, nothing more. The things that drift through your head sometimes.

Three more in the last month added to the list of my dead: Frenchy, Andy, Brad.

Brad's memorial was today. I was locked into a training day that couldn't be changed. Heard the service was nice.